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sensing change…

November 3, 2013

I am needing to go to bed, but wanted to stop in and chat a while.

Thoughts of the future are swirling in my head. Perhaps its the ending {or very near ending} of the Uni year, perhaps it’s the ending {or the very near ending} of the year altogether and even more perhaps it was the passing of my friend who has battled Ovarian Cancer for the last 30 months – but I feel a shift.

I need change. I crave it. I want it.

I need to belong to a group, a team, a bunch of people who are like minded. I need friends, fitness minded friends. Weird to say, but I struggle with this a lot. Lots has held me back over the years, husbands working days/hours, kids, lack of money, uni and now it has become a habit and a mindset that I not only can’t be involved but don’t feel worthy. Stupid, but very real.

When I say I have friends… I do have some, but they are one or two here and there… not like the gang of friends I used to have years ago when I was in scouting. Most of them have moved away or moved on… and left me standing wondering what happened.

But it is time to move on myself.

What is the next question?

What to get involved in? Something that has minimal committment, leaving me free to study, look after the kids and work around my husbands hours/shifts…. or will that only lead to me making excuses and eventually dropping off the attendance {J thinks this…}

Or do I go committment to a team, one that needs me/requires me to be there 1-3 times per week for training…. forcing those excuses to not be able to occur. Or will I feel trapped and overwhelmed by this level of committment, especially when it does get hard {read kids/husbands/hours/life}….

Oh Fuck I don’t know.

I am confusing myself now.

Best go to bed and focus on good sleeping habits…. 🙂

One Comment leave one →
  1. bubblymel permalink
    November 6, 2013 3:54 pm

    It’s hard isn’t it! I know if I was in Adelaide we would definitely get together for workouts!! Are there any group training sessions in your area? It’s a really good way to meet new people! Maybe sign up for a few fun runs I know that always gets me motivated to train as you need to otherwise race day will be hell!!

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