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March 10, 2013

A cruel thing it is to lie awake and watch the hours tick by.

Last week it was mainly due to a set of shift hours that left me lonely in the wee hours of the morning, and a wake-up-full-bladder call was enough to get the brain active and me lying awake unable to switch off again. Until, inevitably, I fell asleep 1 hour before the alarm sounded.

Last night – I am not sure that there was any one issue, more like 100,000,000,000 –  but having gone to bed at 1.40am after a fun girls night I chit chatted till 2, having to accept that sleep was needed, more for my husband than me. At 3.30ish I woke sticky and hot – as the heat/humidity in radelaide at the moment is something of record for this time of year/decade/ century/whatever. I just know it f**king awful – sleeping comfortably is impossible. So I had a shower at 4am… after lying there sighing.

Husband drops off, I continuing the farce of sleeping…

Then at 5.20I began to sob – becoming overwhelmed all the things I am “balancing” at the moment – knowing I just cannot continue any/all of them ever again.

Husband drops off again, I continue the farce of sleeping…

And now at 6.15 I have given up and gotten up.

I will sit and do some work I need to do for a volunteer position I have… one of the main {over-committment} issues I had at 5.20am… and at 8.30am I will go meet a friend for a pre-arranged 8-9km walk.

While I could do with going back to bed, being outdoors sounds nice, a debrief even better and exercise, well its a much needed thing for this body… perhaps I can tire it out that way?

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