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Its a tough few weeks…

September 18, 2012

The last week for me has been tough. I have wanted to write something… but just couldn’t, for everything that was typed seemed oddly false and I felt I was being overly chirpy to cover the down-in-the-dumps.

TTOM hit me hard in the form of a recurring depression… this perhaps??… with it settling over me like a piece of chiffon material… and when Sarah talked of it in her blog a few weeks ago, I knew that she was writing about me too. I just have a name now of what I think happens to me, rather than me regularly feeling like a lone sufferer.

So rather than thinking of  myself as a basket case and doing copious amount of internal monologue damage…. I have to remember that it will pass and to ride it out. It sucks, but I have to learn ways to cope with it.

~~~

I have also been pushing all sorts of deliciousness into my mouth.. leaving me feeling sluggish and rotten, adding the above feelings. Funny how the strength and focus slides away. I need to work on a more middle ground.

~~~

Also having no direction in life at the moment only heightens the above {above} feelings. I am suffering with a keen sense of my own mortality and time running out and I have to hurry and rush, but at the same time feeling like why bother with anything… if time is going to run out anyway.

As usual too, my sensitivity works on overdrive and I find myself irrationally over-analysing and picking apart newly heard bits of information and old memories to work out what in the hell did I do wrong… to be treated so… when rationally I really know its them, not me – and I need to get over the loss that I feel.

Of which I am utterly sure they have no idea is occurring.

Tough times I tell’s ya.

~~~

So what to do when this is all hanging on ones shoulders…. Eat? Be silent? Exercise? Eat? Stay up late wondering? Begin new projects? Eat? Ponder the future?

Yes all the above.

.

..

But also I trim what is hanging on one’s shoulders…

So a few months ago I went from this…. to this….

 and today to this…

Here’s to a new week, a new beginning, a new project and to the renewing of my self-confidence.

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One Comment leave one →
  1. bubblymel permalink
    September 24, 2012 2:48 pm

    Love your Hair!! Looks awesome!

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