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Wild Emotions

August 1, 2012

My emotions swing wildly from feeling confident I can overcome my fear hate confusion ….  of Chemistry…. to so completely feeling that fear, at hating it and to being totally confused and dumbfounded at the subject and my lack of ability, it seems, to grasp it. Not having anyone to ask does not help, so I am hoping that the tutor I have employed? hired? will help me more than I can imagine.

She is a contact via my Chem lecturer, showing him that I have no idea what I am doing and I am willing to go all out on learning. This too will get me in the good books when the final grades are looked over – perhaps he will give me merit on trying my damnedest. I also requested a link for the text book on-line, and he had to email the publishers for it.

I am trying all avenues.

I am giving it my best shot.

Last night I cried so much I gave up the study looking blankly at the textbook/notes/computer/websites for kids and went to bed. defeated. and wondering why, WHY? do I put myself in these situations. I woke up feeling better. Even coming out of the chem lecture I felt better, as we have moved on subjects, and I kinda already get this one… we are doing energy – as in Calories, kcals, joules and how they work in the body to produce energy. So hopefully this one I can “breeze” through while continuing to learn acids and bases. Also my new tutor rang, and we chatted and I got it out that I am dumb not so great as this chem biz. This was weighing on my mind too – the fact that she might be shocked at how little science I have EVER done, and I was attempting a science degree. But she was cool about it, laughed and said to be assured I would not be the only one struggling, and that this first subject is a toughie. mahooosive sigh.

She seems nice. and for that I am thankful. Well she had better be 😉 , as what I am paying her by the hour for the next few months will end up being the equivalent to a weeks wages. Now I am not saying she does not deserve it, and will fully earn every cent I am sure trying to wrap my too-many-years-outta-school head around chemistry. If I pass she will have done well.

And for that basket of hatched and counted chickens thought, I am already really thankful.



Yeah, that part of the blog that has been overshadowed by the ever looming chemistry cloud… but I am happy to say my healthy life is all good, its still going on, so thats a bonus. And you know, it always will.

Just at the moment my routine is somewhat busier, so the planning a bit more thorough, the exercise is way down and acceptance  levels are high. Which is never a bad thing.

*I am about to suspend my gym membership, I was crazy to think I would get there 2x a week, and letting the membership sit open mocking me will do nothing toward my acceptance of things that I cannot change. Uni is only 14wks long, plenty of time in the 3mths off to head there again. And I don’t care how many times the front desk girls say ‘of course you have time….’ – I am doing what is right for ME.

*I am trying to walk home from the bus as much as I can fit in, which is not often – as I still really need to consider the two small ones I love dearly. They head to either my mums or OSHC every day of the week now, both morning and afternoon. So I walk when I can, accept and move on when I cant. I have begun wearing my pedometer again, just to make me move a bit more – although a major fail is to wear it on the bus… man that O’bahn has you jiggling…. 1500 steps in a 15min trip 😉 Today I walked 40mins from one bus stop to home. It was lovely to be out in the sunshine.

* I am still taking my own food, and have purchased nothing. It certainly makes tracking my food easy, as there are no sneaking pickings to mark down.

* I weighed in this week and am down again. Not much, but chipping away at it feels good.

* I am not as involved in the 12wbt as I had hoped, I began well and then well…. Uni has seen to it that I no longer have spare time. I would really like to do the next round, but really need to consider just how much I will utilise the plan. {Even now I am ‘stealing’ revision time to write this} I will carry on with these last few weeks and see how I go. I have stopped doing the workouts and 4 wkly fitness test, due to time and my stupid hammy/buttocks injury, so that makes me feel less involved, but not less interested.


Right I really need to move on…. I have a chem and a biology practical to look up and work out how to do before 9am tomorrow. eeeeek


3 Comments leave one →
  1. bubblymel permalink
    August 3, 2012 3:01 pm

    Oh Lea! You always amaze me at actually how much you can get done! I need to come to the realisation that I too need to cancel my gym membership and just take an active approach to moving more when I can and just being super strict with my diet! I have been in my job for 7 weeks now and have not once been to the gym! The last two weeks I ahve been more mindful of what I have been eating but with being sick and then Matt and Phil both getting sick, sometimes my good intentions fly straight out the Window!!!

  2. July 20, 2013 12:17 pm

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