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Fooling others or just myself?

June 24, 2012

I owe a post – not for anyone else’s benefit but my own.

Since finishing my exam a week or so ago I have loved the lack of pressure and have been enjoying time away from this chair and this screen, and I have been busy and doing fun things.

But with that relaxing comes eating. And slowly bit by bit I have eaten this and that, and a bit more of that, and a little of everything. Really not much at any one time… but added up together and I am sitting here with a bloated tum. There are many reasons for this extra nibbling  – but it is mainly from me being unable to stop my hand reaching out for more. Boredom was another big reason – not mindless eating… but I had nothing else to do and no one to speak to.

So rather than look like an idiot on my own…. I looked like an idiot on my own stuffing my face… Oh wow…. That hurts to write that truth…

and here I was thinking I was fooling others…

Anyway today I feel it – I feel like drowning my sorrows in a gluttony of food intake – sugar and chocolate – and hiding deep in the pure pleasure of the tastes. But I am wise enough now to know that will only lead to increased levels of self-hatred and loathing…. and intense illness – sweats, thirst, indigestion, reflux.

So I just buried myself in my book and read, and tried to not yell too much at the kids and the husband.

I have had a coffee and I am past the cravings for now.

Yes. I really am over them.

Good.

~~~

Tomorrow begins week 4 of the Michelle Bridges 12wbt – and I am ready for it. I need it.

I will use it to help me achieve a goal this week. And I will reward myself with a {much needed and wanted} haircut/colour.

One thing is that I am pleased to say is that I am still attempting to stick to the plan – and I am working out strong… its the food that is my downfall….

Weight wise – I am down 1.2kg since beginning the 12wks. This week may see a gain, but you know – I will always gain when eating a lot of crap – I know this, it is not a new thing for me…. I can not get angry/despondent.

I just need to put my head down and move on from it.

 

 

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