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On a high….

May 31, 2012

I am still on a high from attending a ‘Not just Pilates’ class tonight at my gym.

I don’t normally do evening gym classes, I like to have them over and done with early and be smug for the rest of  the day :).  But was asked by a friend at WW to come along and join her in what she said was a tough but fun class…. lead by one of my fav instructors at the gym. And it met all expectations. While it was not high intensity with high heart rate – it was high intensity for my muscles! and I know I will feel it tomorrow. Which you know… I don’t mind at all. Not when it leads me closer to feeling great.

~~~

So reading back over my last few posts – hmmm….I have been a bit down – yes???

Not really sure why, other than pure busyness. Which overcomes me at times. I wonder though, do I say yes too much? Or is that the way I am/my life is…. is it something I will have to learn that times like this will continue to happen and I just need get through them knowing they will pass and I will come through to the other side okay. Personally,  I think  its both.

Anyway – things round here have been very crazy with every weekend, and most week nights being taken up with events, parties, meetings, going away and uni stuff.  I am exhausted. And it was showing and taking a toll – via me not sleeping, not eating right and not caring.

Also…a couple of weeks ago, at my WW meeting, I weighed in at .100g off 10kg gained. 😯  It was enough to make me cry. I was frustrated. Why. Why. Why? But – I knew deep down I wasn’t doing the things my body needs to lose weight/stop gaining weight. Denial is a good word to use. I have been fluffing around having days here and there when eating good food came easily, exercising strong and then a few days of not really doing “the right” things at all…. and these few days undo all the hard work all too easily. But you know, I smiled and said I ‘m cool with that.

I would like to say that I got my head on straight and went home and got on with what I know best. Hmmm. I still followed the same well worn path of only doing 60% – but in my head I was doing 95%, but when I weighed in this week, I was feeling good. I had tracked 8/14days and had almost hit my exercise goal of cal burnt on my polar watch. My body felt leaner, I was feeling positive, and I decided not to see what my weight was. While I was not doing everything I COULD do, I was doing my best with so much going on – and I did not want a gain, {or the sight of that dreaded 10kg mark passed} to spoil the goodness I was feeling and I know all to well how it can change my attitude in a snap. It did feel nice to cut myself some slack, and just focus on being healthy, active and positive. I still have no idea what my weight was, and am going to continue along this way until I feel better,  and can see some results on clothes loosening 🙂 Perhaps I will then look at numbers.

But after chatting to the staff members about my recent struggles and how I ‘dont know if I can keep going while doing full time uni next semester’…… I was hit with a hurricane. A torrent of words. {Words that I didn’t want to hear}

They told of what they saw. Of what they are hearing from their side of the winge. Of my excuses, of my casualness, of my denial. Man I was pissed off. How fricken dare they. I went home and blurted it all out to a sleepy husband. Grrr. I was mad. And I was hurting.

~

So as I lay awake, at 2.30am, 3am, 4am, 4.30am…… for the second third night in a  row, with indigestion, sweats and heartburn from eating too much sugar, fatty foods, and general crap. I could do nothing else but wonder. Why did it piss me off so much?? Why should their opinion hurt so much?? Why am I so uncomfortable??

…..because you know….. its the truth that always hurts the most.

~~~

Today I tried something new…cos the other way… was just not working.

and I need to get some sleep dammit!

So when I made my kids lunches – I also made mine. I put my always weekly done and well thought out menu plan to good use and packed my whole days eating into a lunch box. And it worked. I have eaten really well, with no indulgence sugar consumed {other than 1/2 t in a coffee} and my hunger has been satisfied enough to not have the need to pick at crap. Whoo hoo. A success. I plan to do this each day, and have already begun tomorrows packing by pulling things out the freezer so they are ready to eat in time. go me!

I. need. to. get. on. top. of. this. I do not want to keep gaining, and really do not want to find myself in a few weeks time lamenting that I am only a few hundred grams off 15kg… I do not want all those years of hard work undone. I dont think I could take it. So I am re-gaining control, switching round my thinking and becoming again the healthy person I grew to love.

I also dont want to be told off like that again. *shudder*

 

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