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So frantic!

September 25, 2010

Some days weeks are just stupidly crazy. And I often dont realise how busy I let them get till I begin to chase my tail… and then realise I cant back out of any of it.

Wah…

This week is CRAZY. Having done so many days training I am so behind on household (boring but necessary) stuff, and I am also in debt up to my eyeballs with babysitting… and there is more, much more, needed this week. J’s working hours are better than before, but they are still not right for me/us to be able to do anything easily! And I forget this every time I have nothing to do – ie no uni, no work, no commitments… so then I begin to believe that I can do this stuff, there is plenty of time. So I make a commitment – and BAM! I find myself in the chase-my-tail-at-home-always-thinking-who-will-have-the-kids-next cycle.

Then I feel guilty. Cos they are my kids – and I should look after them and not shove them around all over the place for others to watch while I try to do stuff or earn some money. I believe in shopping a similar way – if you dont have the cash in the bank then you cant have it. Kids: if I dont have the time to look after them I shouldnt do it.

Then I feel cross. Cos its my life too. I should be able to earn some money or go out with friends without feeling like I have organised a logistical exercise equivalent to moving an army battalion round.

Then I feel bad for J. Cos he loves his job, and it is what keeps this roof from being swiped away. And I did marry a chef.

Wah….

Its nice to whinge sometimes… then go back to carrying on carrying on.

Im sure it will settle down soon.

I hope.

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